FLIGHT TO STILLNESS. Facing Your Unknowns...Just You and God.
Stillness. The pilot had announced her decent only moments ago. She leaned forward, reaching around her folded legs and under the seat for her bag. The faded, and scuffed leather sack found her familiar hand and landed freely on her lap. She unzipped the pouch and rummaged nervously through the wadded receipts, loose change, and lipstick tubes until she found her passport. Destination Stillness. Yes, her ticket confirmed the same. This was her first time traveling to Stillness, and the unknowns were taunting her. She had hoped for the opportunity to ask another passenger about Stillness, to inquire about their experience there, but no one was seated around her. The interior of the plane was silent, and had been that way since she boarded. As she anxiously prepared for her decent, she fidgeted in her seat, tightened her seat belt, and wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans.
It was a colleague that had cornered her in the break room and handed her the travel brochure. “Pray about it”, she had said, “you’re so hard on yourself. Taking some time for you...to be gentle with yourself... may be just what you need.” That was over two years ago. She leaned back in her seat and turned towards the window to watch the plane’s decent through the clouds. She had remembered glancing at the brochure and being puzzled, “Destination Stillness” was written across the front cover. Uninterested, she had placed the pamphlet in her desk drawer. She never prayed about it. Two years ago, her crazy, crooked path felt normal and good; she had a career, a solid relationship, friends, her health...she was fine. Her colleague’s advice made no sense...until lately. Her so-called solid relationship had crumbled months ago, and her climb up the corporate ladder had come to a screeching halt. But mostly she was tired, a new kind of tired. Unwanted doctor’s tests had unveiled the early stages of cancer. The words had left her speechless. The doer and achiever in her kept going, functioning on autopilot as if life hadn’t changed. After two weeks she was completely out of gas. When reality finally took hold, it shook her, it broke her. She had mindlessly opened her desk drawer and there was the travel brochure, just where she had left it, waiting for her. Stillness looked more inviting, more beautiful than anything she had seen in her life. Without considering, she booked her flight and then quickly blanketed herself with regrets and second thoughts. Packing for her journey, she had piled her suitcase with anxiety, anger, regret, sadness, fear, and only a sprinkle of hope. On top of it all she placed her bible. She tucked the brochure into the side pocket of her leather bag and rode Uber to the airport.
Silence made her sweat. Her life had always run on chaos and silence made her nervous, made her weak. Her flight to Stillness had been reserved during one of those weak, vulnerable moments and she had immediately regretted it, alarmingly frightened of what Stillness might reveal. She had been in the air only a short time before the silence gripped her. The long, hushed flight had slowly deflated her pumped existence, but unexpectedly opened her airways and granted her deep exhales of breath she had long neglected. During the flight she had disappeared in thought, memorizing the detail of the seat in front of her, staring deep into the layers of its fabric searching for the courage to unravel the layers of her own hardened veneer. The flight had been too silent, cornering her with the unrequested time to unearth buried wounds and turmoil that she had stuffed down, then willfully forgotten. Somewhere in mid-air, she had stumbled and fallen backwards into her own latent history. Tears had been the result. Without warning the rough, fabric, passenger seat in front of her began to blur, warp, and turn watery smooth. The tears had burned her dry skin and reddened her cheeks as they dropped and etched their way to her heart. She wanted to stuff it all back in. The rush of emotion had clogged her nose and stifled her throat. With a whisper, the flight attendant appeared, warmly handed her a tissue pack, which she quickly unwrapped. It was then, in the distance, that another’s fragile, weepy breath became distinct.
Relief washed over her as she realized that she was not traveling solo. She had been in the air for hours with no one beside her or around her. The dim cabin and rare, silence had left her leaden, drifting cautiously deeper into a solitary game of lost and found. She had aroused and leaned into the aisle, turning and stretching in search of a fellow passenger. She ached for a distraction. Her efforts revealed only amber dim shadows that stretched the length and width of the vast plane. She recoiled to her seat, confused, yet discerningly aware that she was not alone. Her red, weary eyes met her leather bag and she pulled the tattered brochure from the side pocket. “Destination Stillness”, the writing on the front cover was etched in her mind. The folded brochure was blank inside; there was no map attached, no tour guide, no agenda, no indication of time. She stared at the empty white pages and allowed the list of unknowns to burn her skin. Again, she wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans. She was uncertain, but her breath was unexpectedly steady, and under her flushed skin she could feel calmness rising. Her sputtering nervous heartbeat slowed and strengthened as her perspective refocused. The white pages in front of her morphed from the fearful unknown to the yet to be written. The plane was beyond the clouds now and she could see the runway.
As her turbulence stilled, and unforeseen peace prefaced her final decent into Stillness, she could once again hear the soft weeping sound from the back of the plane. This time she didn’t turn around. She closed her eyes remembering the prayer she had whispered on the way to the airport. She knew it was an angel. Somewhere, riding with her, was her angel. She had prayed for guidance, for a hand to hold during this journey. She closed her eyes and took an easy, comforted breath. She hadn’t talked to God in a long time, but she never doubted that he would be there waiting for her. As the plane slowed to a stop she stood up to face her uncertainties. She slid her suitcase from the overhead compartment and felt the weight of the emotion she had packed inside. “Welcome to Stillness” the flight attendant smiled, motioning her towards the exit. She took a final deep breath and prepared herself for nothing...absolutely nothing. When the soft breeze hit her face and the brilliance of Stillness met her senses, she knew that she was almost there. Her weighty suitcase felt lighter as her feet met the soft, grassy runway. She walked alone thru the cool grass carrying her shoes in her hand. She had left all her expectations on the plane. She was still uncertain where she would end up, but she knew, somewhere in Stillness, she would find the courage to unpack her suitcase.
