PUSH. RUN. DONE. It's Super Hard to Stay Disciplined. Try Not to Overthink it.
She stepped off the covered porch adjusting her perched sunglasses from her head to her nose. It wasn’t early and it wasn’t late, but it was bright and sticky. The wet air clung to her arms and she could feel the heat melting through her baseball cap, matting her thick, dark hair. Pandora belted thru her earbuds mixing and pumping upbeat motivation into her ears and filtering to her feet. She glanced down at her purple running shoes, tapped her heel against the asphalt giving her equipment one last slip test. With a deep exhale she eased and shifted her mind and body into drive.
She was weary today. When her alarm nudged her awake she questioned if she had slept at all. Rolling to her side she reached towards the buzz, it was cardio day. Her heavy eyes and tired legs began to torment her determination and glaze over her reason. It had taken three months to find her rhythm again, to adjust to a routine; now exhaustion was studying her calendar. Brushing her teeth, the voices in her head went to battle. “Be good to yourself, listen to your body,” said her sober subconscious. “Push through it!” Her childhood coach’s voice cut in, oozing like an open wound, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” he yelled, now Go!
The cold water on her face cleared her thoughts as she scrubbed herself awake. She had a lot to do today. She fast-forwarded to her post-workout agenda, giving credibility to the argument and list of excuses her tired body was defending. Then the “what if’s” tickled the back of her neck. What if the exercise helped her exhaustion? What if a run would reawaken her energy? What if one day skipped led to two days, and then three days…? She tied her hair in a ponytail and picked up her running shoes.
Three months ago was not hard for her to remember. Alining desire and want with determination and action had been a wrenching recovery mission. She had been there before; in routine, in shape, and feeling great. Staying there had never been easy, but the effort had been rewarding. She had found her balance and had maintained it for many years. What took her off course was subtle and slow. She had eased slightly out of her routine and veered down a worn path of faded old habits. The shame of falling backwards had invaded her peace and sucked her motivation dry. It had taken months of coaxing, persuading, and inner-coaching to rally her drive to begin again. She thought once more of the will-power she had mobilized over the past three months. Encouragement filled her chest and exhaled hope. She didn’t want to turn back. The what if’s and the unknowns had carried her out the door and onto the asphalt.
Her run was weighty and heavy at start, slowly easing into its pace and finding its breath. Tension melted from her arms and dripped out through her open fingers. Exhaustion would return, but it was behind her for now. She picked up her pace echoing the beat in her earbuds. She finished strong, sweaty, and smiling. Her perspective for her day had shifted, discipline no longer reflected a dirty word, but a reason to be thankful. She stretched her shirt and wiped the sweat from her face. She was going to sleep good tonight.
